My life, has been blessed, crazy, stressful, beautiful, one huge learning experience...my experience with the opposite sex has been limited and somewhat hurtful but God has captured my heart and is teaching me a lot about these specimens called boys and the way our God loves his daughters.
The ministry I go to at East Carolina had this great message last week- the moral of the message: God likes you. Jesus likes you. I giggled in my head- hahahah what? It baffled me to think that Jesus likes me. I hear, I sing, I know (in my brain) that Jesus loves me. God loves me. Its almost as if we've become numb to the fact that Jesus loves us because we hear it...a lot. But an important aspect of the gospel that so many of us miss is that Jesus likes us. The speaker talked about when the woman was caught to in the act of adultery and brought to Jesus. He commanded the Pharisees to cast the first stone if they've never sinned. After I was thinking about this- Jesus never sinned, so technically he could have cast that stone but he didn't. He liked that woman, He loved her.
I've always struggled with identity issues and insecurities. The Lord revealed to me that a lie that I've grown up believing is- I am not worth it. I have something wrong with me and I can't do anything right. What a lie from the enemy. I've been trying to identify these places in my heart where I believe this lie and really surrender it to the Lord. I remember in elementary school writing on a sheet of paper asking if this boy- David- liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend (I'm sure now they text each other in elementary school) but the little boy looked at me and said no.
I grew up thinking that I wasn't worthy of that little boy saying yes and that played into every other relationship that I've had. Thats why in high school I never had a 'real boyfriend' just one guy who I fooled around with....and in middle school I believed that where I lived and how I dressed determined that I wasn't good enough for the boys.
I realized in Bolivia this summer when I shared my testimony with our group that I was still carrying a lot of hurt and wounds from those silly boys who told me 'no' and I believed that was who I was- the girl that wasn't worthy of being loved....or even liked.
So when I heard this message that hey- Jesus likes you. That he would and does everyday check 'yes' on that sheet of paper asking if he likes us and if he'll spend eternity with me... That he was embarrassed, beaten to a pulp, emotional and physically wounded on this earth- because he likes me.
Wow.
Isn't that what we're all searching for? I can specifically identify certain things I did in high school in order for people to like me. I changed the way I dressed, I said offensive and rude things, I made fun of and laughed at people- just so some girl or boy would look at me and say- yes....I accept you.
Jesus accepts you. He doesn't love you like a distant relative that only wants to see you in a stuffy church singing boring hymns. He looks at the way you laugh, the way you cry, your body posture, your weird quirks, the crazy dancing you do when your door is locked and you just feel like it.....He likes that about you- He likes your mind, the way you think and speak, the way you use your hands when you talk. You are not only loved...but liked.
At that meeting the speaker played a song and told us to ask God what He thinks about us- I closed my eyes and asked Him to give me a vision of the way He thinks about me. This is what I saw:
I was standing in a crowded room, in the back. Everyone else was out shining me in their beauty, humor, intelligence and I was small in comparison to them. I felt unseen, undervalued, and alone. Then Jesus got on stage and pointed directly at me. The crowd separated and I walked to the front. He said- I see you, I value you, I like you, I choose you.
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