unfathomable love.

I have these moments of intense emotion, where I get a glimpse of the extravagant love of our heavenly Father and it literally takes my breath away. 
My week has been stressful and I have a tendency when I feel stressed, anxious, and fearful to keep God at an arms length.  When the whole time, I know my heavenly Father is looking at me and saying, "let me love you."
Today I came back to my dorm room burned by this week, sleepless nights, crappy test grades, bad attitudes, and feelings of low value.  I layed on the floor in my dorm room and just began to call out to God.  When we allow Him, he orchestrates our time together so perfectly.  It just so happened that I was listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW7CD29V4tU&feature=feedrec_grec_index
and my heart began to overflow with emotion and desperation...all the feelings, time, heart ache, stress, anxiety I had been feeling all week that I had kept from Him came flooding out.  As I was listening to this song I was overwhelmed by God's grace. 
I have these moments where I realize the weight and pevertedness of my sin and how my sin peverts the name of Jesus.....but a lot of times I sit in a place of self-condemnation instead of worshiping God for his merciful grace.

I let this song rush over me and the words filled my soul.
I opened my Bible and felt the need to read Hosea, listen to the words of the Lord and reflect on His great mercy and love:

"She has not acknowleged that I was the one who gave her grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold which they used for Baal." (hosea 2:8)
"She decked herself with rings and jewelry and went after her lovers but me she forgot" declares the Lord.  "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of HOPE." (hosea 2:13-15)
"I will show my love to the one I called, 'Not my loved one.' I will say to those called, 'Not my people, 'You are my people'; and they will say, 'You are my God.' (hosea 2:23)

as fallen humans we do a fantastic job of putting walls between our hearts and the Lord...whether its fear, stress, school, friends, relationships, status, body image, insecurities.... But know that your Father in Heaven is looking at you saying, "Let me love you...let me heal you...allow me to change your life"

I want more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NlJr6TE7b4&feature=player_embedded

I encourage you guys to listen to this while you read my simple thoughts...

I was at the prayer house tonight and I was just thinking about how I've lived my life....scared. Fearful of what I lack...fearful of what I could be. So this is me, stuck in this weird, awkward place where there is no movement. I think a lot of us are like that- we love God, but we're scared.

I was thinking about my heart and how my fear derives from my orphan mentality.  I think we all in a way have an orphan mentality- the fact if we have a biological father on this earth or not is not the point.  I was thinking about my fears of not being protected or guarded, my fears of being exposed- not taken care of.   Not seen as valuable or precious, treasured, or nurtured. We all have our orphan-like thoughts.

I read this in ephesians:

"For he CHOSE US in him before the creation of the world to be HOLY and BLAMELESS in his sight.  In love he predestined us to be ADOPTED as his sons(and daughters) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has FREELY given us in the One he loves.  In him we have REPDEMPTION through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:4-8

In my Women's Studies class we are giving Identity Projects where we are required to stand in front of the class and talk about who we are....(mine is on Friday, I will post the video here on Friday!)

One of my classmates got up and talked about how he was shuffled through foster care for his entire childhood and how he never felt wanted.... my heart broke for this guy but at the same time it rejoiced that we are no longer desperate orphans who are seeking to fill their voids with anything of this world.  We are filled by the blood of Jesus! God has adopted us, we are not in foster care being tossed from adult to adult....we are chosen.  We are taken in.  We are His. Accept his grace, his mercy....accept his adoption.