"lack of confidence"

Last night I watched the movie, Eat Pray Love and I was inspired.  I was inspired not by the amazing food she ate in Italy, or the praying she did in India, or the romance she found in Bali...I was inspired by the relationships she made along the way.  After the movie I was praying about my summer; I have the priveledge of having my own mini version of eat pray love...sort of... I am going to live with some family friends for 2 months in The Netherlands, then at the end of the summer I'll spend a week with my mom and grandma in Paris, and then we'll travel down to Nice, France for a week before school starts.
As I was talking to God about my summer and all the possiblities, I got really honest and said..."I'm scared"
In that moment of honesty I felt the peace of God sweep over me as it always does and in His Fatherly manner, Christ allowed me to open my heart about this summer.  He kept on reminding me, "For I know the plans I have you for..."

Hannah and me in The Hague

Later when I was reading my bible I started 2 Timothy and I was struck by a familiar verse, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love, of self disicipline." I looked down in the notes on verse 7 to see if it would shed any light on my feelings of timidity for the summer and this is all that it said- "Appartently lack of confidence was a serious problem for Timothy."

All I could do was laugh and think, "join the club Tim"

But then I was thinking about identity and about strength in our identity, which is really strength in the Lord and intimacy with Him.  I was thinking about how that strength encourages others to be strong in their identity. This reminded me of a quote a friend gave me my senior year of high school on a mission trip in Jamaica.

 In Paris this past January

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”- Nelson Mandela 

I'm excited about my summer, I'm excited about the possibilities and relationships I'll make. I'm excited to get to know Christ better, I'm excited to be bold and independent and live out of Christ's abundance. 

What I've realized is that Christ didn't create us to be weak weirdos who don't live life.  He created us to be strong, self disciplined, and full of love.
God is good.