Identity has been a painful lesson over the past year. In Bolivia God did some healing of some deep wounds I had acquired over my 19 years in the identity category. I thought I was done when I got back into the States but much to my knowing, you're never done being edified, healed, and restored (and thank God for it!)
God in His infinite mercy and grace revealed to me in Europe that fear has been a stronghold in my life, since I was born. I honestly think that was the darkness I was born into. Fear has played so much in my life and its honestly overwhelming to think about all the areas it invades.
For example, I never did the typical high school/college sin- drink excessively, have sex, do drugs....because I was too insecure and fearful I would do something wrong, make a fool of myself, or not be accepted. I believed in all my relationships with guys that I wasn't good enough and I was so fearful that they wouldn't see value in me- these poor high school guys that I put so much pressure on to fill my intense voids.
That is a small list of the way fear has dictated my life for so long. Just recently I've experienced fear on a spiritual level, recognizing spiritual warfare and thats where I hit my limit.
I realized through coming to know Christ better and being opened to a new spiritual realm that I'm not suppose to live in this constant fear. Fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of someone looking at me and saying- you're just not good enough, fear of being a mistake, fear of disappointing God, fear that I will live a perfectly simple and safe life because I was too scared to take risks.
As you can see, God has been revealing so much to me about this fear and I'm DONE! I've talked to a lot of friends and family and I've gotten prayer. I've seeked in the Word and it plainly says: "For God did not give you a spirit of timidity or fear, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE." (2 Tim 1:7) and sometimes I get overwhelmed with this and think okay what do I have to do in order to not live a life dictated by fear? I can't do anything, but I need to trust God and depend on Him to mold me, shape me, help me to let go of this fear I've been living in and to make me into the person He created me to be.
As for fear this is no reason for it- Man may take my life, but they can't take my soul or salvation and satan has no hold on me, because he is of darkness and I'm a child of Christ- and the light God's given me shines out all darkness.
"because God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." So we can say with confidence, "This Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Hebrews 13:5-6
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